My, my, what busy beavers you have all been. I must thank "Snickers" for entertaining the troops on Punk's Corner during my recent leave. Is it not somewhat surreal that the temporary non existence of a diary by a non existent person should cause such a stir? Well, here it is again. Mostly non existent, as usual.
The screenplay is now written. If I can find a suitable extract, I shall post it here for public ridicule. Katherine H. will be sending it out next week, with strict instructions that, in the event that the producers find it inadequate, she change the producers. We shall not go a begging.
Punk is currently on holiday in France – still recovering from the shock that Luke Hutchence and Samantha Tiffany have accepted the draft of his second chronicle. Their only request was that he remove the toilet humour of "Lord Crappenleigh".
Thankfully, Punk has agreed to bend his rule of "No rewrites". The section in question was never anything more than an example of a young man flexing his authorial muscles. In this case, deliberately putting ridiculous words into the mouth of a former colleague of mine.
There is a long and distinguished history of outtakes being posted on the internet. I trust that I am not demeaning it by flushing the following deleted extract. I shall not miss it. The speaker is Lord Crappenleigh, introducing himself to Punk on an aeroplane :-
"Some of my friends do insist on calling me Crap. Crap as in the game, not the shitty slimy stuff that stains your underpants. I was very good at it at one time. Shooting crap, not having a crap, that is. As far as I know, you can't be good at having a crap. Although my previous wife was very bad at it. She was constantly constipated. Couldn't push it out however hard she tried. Used to pull the most awful faces. There was also a friend of mine at college who used to come and report back to us every morning about the quality of his aim….
Enough! Time for the discretionary use of the delete key. I shall not sully this website with the rest. Once seen, instantly forgotten. Not unlike Punk himself.
"Necessity is never far from what is real."
